General Dad Jokes
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
- I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
- Did you hear about the guy who told his wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high? She looked surprised.
- Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
- Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert? Because it was already stuffed.
Animal Dad Jokes
- Why did the cow go to outer space? To see the MOOooooOOon.
- What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? Sofishticated.
- Why don’t elephants use computers? They’re afraid of mice.
- Why don’t seagulls fly by the bay? They would be bay-gulls.
- Why don’t ants get sick? Because they have tiny ant-bodies.
Food Dad Jokes
- Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
- Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crummy.
- What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
- Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t peeling well.
- Why don’t eggs tell jokes? Because they’d crack each other up.
School Dad Jokes
- Why did the kid bring a ladder to school? Because he wanted to go to high school.
- Why did the teacher wear sunglasses? Because her students were so bright.
- What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!”
- What did one pencil say to the other pencil? “You’re looking sharp today.”
- Why did the math book look so sad? Because it had too many problems.
Vehicle Dad Jokes
- Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired.
- Why did the mechanic sleep under the car? Because he wanted to wake up oily in the morning.
- Why did the traffic light turn red? You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!
- What do you call a car that’s just been washed? A clean getaway.
- Why do cars make terrible dancers? Because they have two left wheels.
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